


The Fucked Up Family Tree

by madmoriarty



Series: Once Upon a Sleepy Elementary [8]
Category: Elementary (TV), Once Upon a Time (TV), Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Ariel - Freeform, Baelfire - Freeform, Belle - Freeform, Charming - Freeform, F/M, Granny - Freeform, Henry Mills - Freeform, Jiminy Cricket - Freeform, Mad Hatter - Freeform, Peter Pan - Freeform, Pinocchio - Freeform, Prince Eric - Freeform, Queen of Hearts - Freeform, Red Riding Hood - Freeform, Regina Mills - Freeform, Robin Hood - Freeform, Snow White - Freeform, Story-Telling, That shit is complex, TinkerBell - Freeform, milah - Freeform, rumpelstiltskin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:42:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3246692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmoriarty/pseuds/madmoriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Emma is busy explaining their situation to Sherlock and Joan, Abbie takes the opportunity to find out just how many of her favorite fictional characters are real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fucked Up Family Tree

Ichabod, Abbie, and Hook remained silent at their table as they tried to eavesdrop on the other three. Emma did a good job keeping her voice down, because they weren’t able to pick up much, but it all sounded fairly similar to the speech she had just recited to Ichabod and Abbie.

Joan and Sherlock’s faces remained fairly calm while Emma talked. Either they were really _really_ open-minded or they just did a good job of hiding their “this bitch is crazy” thoughts. Once the conversation became too boring for them, Abbie resolved to passing the time by drilling Hook on all of the fictional characters he knew.

"So Tinkerbell…" Abbie began. "Is she real?"

"Aye, the lass and I know each other _quite_ well,” Hook said with a wink. Abbie tried to hide mild disgust at the thought of her cartoon childhood memories getting it on.

"And Peter Pan?"

"That devil incarnate is unfortunately real as well," Hook’s face immediately darkened. Ichabod just sat back and listened. Even though he’d been in the modern era for about a year, he had yet to tackle the magical realm of Disney movies. Abigail had told him that they were going to "binge watch" them on a night when they weren’t too busy saving the world. "Or at least he was." the corner of Hook’s lips couldn’t help but curl up when he said this.

"You _killed_ him?” Abbie asked in disgust. Ichabod showed some contempt at this bit of news as well.

"Not I, unfortunately," Hook answered. "You must understand that the characters I speak of are quite different from the tales you were told." Emma had explained the backgrounds for some of the Storybrooke folk to Hook one day. He was quite offended at the baffoon that was supposed to be his reincarnation in this world. Abbie just gave a slight nod at this before continuing on with her line of questioning.

"So who else do you know?"

"Snow White and Prince Charming have a rather…difficult relationship with me," Hook admitted.

"How do you mean, ‘difficult’?" Abbie asked with a raised brow.

"It is rather difficult to form a strong bond with someone when you are trying to win over their daughter."

"Get out," Abbie’s mouth dropped, and she reached out to slap Ichabod on the arm. He gave her a slight smile and tried to pretend to join in on the excitement even though he wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about. "Emma is the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming?" Hook just shook his head.

"It’s all rather complex."

"Try me," Abbie dared him. She still didn’t know if she entirely believed Emma and Hook’s tall tale, but her inner child found it hard to resist getting excited about the possibility of all of her favorite childhood characters being alive and intermingling with one another.

"Where to begin?" Hook asked himself. "We could start with Rumpelstiltskin’s son Baelfire leaving for your world, where he met up with our beloved Miss Swan twenty-eight years after her parents sent her here to escape a curse, upon which they had a child together. Emma then gave up the child, whom was adopted by Snow White’s step-mother, the Evil Queen and raised in Storybrooke. To which her majesty now has relations with Robin Hood," Hook paused to note their reactions. Abbie’s eyes had never been wider.

"But then there’s also the fact of my involvement with Rumpelstiltskin’s ex-wife, and the mother of Emma’s son’s father, Milah, whom he killed and created a bitter rivalry between us. And at one time I did try to take the lad, Baelfire, in on my own and raise him with my crew, to which things went rather ill-will and he was kidnapped by Peter Pan, who is actually his immortalized grandfather, and Rumpelstiltskin’s father."

"Wow," Abbie said after she got her jaw to stop hanging. "I think I need a new fairytale book." Even Ichabod couldn’t help but be surprised by the impressively entangled family tree.

"And that’s not even the end of it," Hook continued. "I could go on all day about Ariel and her Prince Eric, Belle, Pinocchio and the cricket, the Queen of Hearts, the Mad Hatter, Red Riding Hood, her Granny, the seven dwarves…and so forth. It’s all quite a mess." Hook was just reveling in his new-found attention and sense of importance. He felt god-like. He was about to speak again when someone interrupted his moment of glory.

"I’m done explaining it to them," Emma said. None of them had even realized she was standing there. "You guys want to join the discussion?" Emma jerked her thumb back at Joan and Sherlock who were whispering among themselves quite aggressively. Abbie had to hold back a huge smile when she looked at Emma. Unfortunately for her, Emma caught on. "What?" She instinctively put her hand to her mouth and felt her teeth for any food that might be stuck.

"Nothing… _your majesty,_ " Abbie couldn’t help but giggle. Ichabod tried to shush her but he too was having a hard time trying to suppress a smile.

"Oh god, you _told_ them?" Emma scolded Hook. He put a finger up in protest and was about to defend himself when she smacked him on the back of his head. "I’m going to rejoin the mature table now, if you all would like to join me." She made a point to roll her eyes at Hook before turning to head back to the other table.

"What did I tell you?" Hook forced a smile, trying to win back some of his pride. "It’s all quite a mess."

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god. The projects for AP Studio Art and the scholarships. Sorry guys, I can't expect to post regularly for quite some time. 
> 
> I write a lot of these notes like this gets a big fanbase and like people legitimately keep up with this series lol. A girl can dream.
> 
> Edit: How did this off-shot, which is not all that relevant to the plot, end up being the longest piece in the series so far? I guess I really like meta.


End file.
